Friday musings

A week or two ago, so many things were happening each day I decided I should have a blog just to talk/write stuff out. And now I can't remember any of those things, and this week has been fairly uneventful. Today I will just write about a very strange albeit upsetting dream I had last night:

I was dead,and I knew I was dead. I was in a holding room of sorts; one that looked like a stripped down version of my living room. There was a couch and a loveseat, both covered with off-white slipcovers, a coffee table and an (empty) entertainment center. No windows, no doors.

I flashed back to my death, wondering how it happened and simultaneously knowing that it was supposed to happen..that it was "my time". I was chasing someone who had committed a crime, and my job was to shoot that person. I was undercover, though, and I didn't count on a police officer happening on the scene. As I shot my target from my position on the floor (and killed him), a police officer misunderstood the situation and shot me in the neck. I remember thinking "SHIT! Wait, no, I'm not ready!", although, again knowing that I had foreseen this.

I'm back in the holding room and I'm crying. Sobbing. It's all I can do, because I miss living and the people who were in my life. I sob and sleep, wake up and repeat. Some man (God? God's helper?) puts some flyers on the coffee table as suggestions of activities to help me acclimate to my situation. I'm too depressed to consider them, though, and I cry some more.

Then there are people in the room - four adult family members from my childhood. I'm glad to see them because it has been so long. We chat and catch up. I tell them about my life since I had seen them, and then suddenly remembered that I was getting married. I exclaimed "oh, yeah! I'm engaged!" and I held out my hand to show them the ring. In a second, I recall that I'm dead, though, and I say "oh, well, I was, anyway". Then I think of Darren and I get very sad. I wonder what he will do with the ring..will he pay it off? Sell it? Give it to someone else? And how is he anyway? I wish I could talk to him and make sure he isn't taking my death too hard.

There is someone else in the room - a woman who is my sister in the dream (I have no sisters). She has been in the holding room for a while, and is ready to move on. We are saying our goodbyes and I'm wishing her well. Once she is gone, I wonder how long it will take before I'm ready to move on - there is no pressure here, which is nice. I do know that I can't check in on Darren until I move on, though. I begin to wonder if this is where people go who are in comas, and maybe I'm just in a coma and will get to go back and rejoin my family and friends.

That's it. It was quite sad, though, and I couldn't get enough hugs when I woke up.

I do wonder...does this place exist? Is the 'after-life' our expectations or the same for everyone? Is there an after-life?

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