Now that I'm engaged, I thought my days of rejection were over. I mean, seriously, in what situation (outside of a job search) would I be personally rejected? Well, my own father stepped up to the challenge a couple of nights ago and decided that having a relationship with me wasn't worth his effort.
This is probably the most personal blog I have written. However, as you'll see from his email, yes email, it's all very impersonal. Granted, I was quite hurt when I read his 'letter' and cried on D's shoulder a bit, but now I see the irony in receiving a "Dear John" letter from a man named John (nickname "Skip").
I tried to reach out to my father with a two page letter at Christmas-time. We had a falling out several years ago (I asked too many questions about his allowing my abusive step-father to legally adopt me) and had just stopped talking. My Aunt - his sister - told me that he had been asking about me, and encouraged me to write to him. I thought it would be nice to catch up, and maybe he could even come to my wedding. I'm not into the whole 'giving away' business, but having him there would have been nice.
And now, the email:
Dear Dawn,
I received your card and note several weeks ago. It is really good to hear about your upcoming wedding and plans for the future. I would like to wish you a lifetime of success and happiness.
As you know I sold my house and moved to Southbury. (http://www.heritagevillagect.org) I have a “Country House” and am quite satisfied with it.
I have been agonizing over this response to your letter for some time now. After much soul searching, I have decided that we have nothing left in common that could serve as a basis for a relationship. It is difficult enough to bridge such a generation gap without unspoken resentments and mistrust clouding the issue. My misreading of the situation created far too much stress and agitation on my part. I was never known as “Thick Skinned “and must admit I was very hurt by your anger. I expected it when I allowed your mother to take you. I don’t know why I thought things were OK.
I apologize for everything that I did that caused you unhappiness over the years. I think my presence would only exacerbate the feelings of betrayal and just cause more problems for both of us. Better to leave things as they are.
Love,
Skip
*Love* indeed.
5 comments:
Did your "Christmas" letter reach out ??? or BITCH out ????love indeed
Anon -
My xmas letter was actually a nice one and didn't bring up any of the issues we had in the past. I doubt my response to the email (if I do) will be as nice, though.
What a strange letter. How awful. It doesn't sound like he wants to make a clean break--just that he doesn't want you to be mad at him. Or something. Stupid stupid stupid.
I'm willing to go break someone's legs for you, if you need it. Or steal a frog candleholder. Anything. :)
Nice that he signs it "love," after the whole letter is facile and shows that he is too much of a coward to accept that he screwed up and try to make amends.
If he really cared he'd find a way to at least meet you once in a while and talk. Every human has something minimally in common with another.
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